So I start a conversation with a hinge match and she asks me late on a Saturday night about meeting her and her friends for a drink at a cocktail bar. This cocktail bar is a long way away so I don't really push it on the night, but she looks hot af so I re-open her later and send her my number. That Saturday night she again taps me up asking to meet up with her and her friend. It just so happened I was out with a buddy of mine having a late-night meal after a long day playing sport together (cricket).
We exchange some photos (I joke around a little bit in response to her sending some fit pics) and in the end the meet up fizzles out. (see screenshots of all the texts below)
I'd love to hear some thoughts from the community on how this played out and what could be improved. I think that maybe we didn't identify and deal with shit tests very well and became needy rather than persistent. So would appreciate some advice on how to be persistent when you need to get the logistics under time pressure (it was late) without turning needy.
Since becoming single in September 2020, I've had a lean go of it.
I had been on a couple of hinge dates dotted around with limited success. Some second/third dates and not much more than a make-out or two. But eventually, I would get the same fatal text saying "you're a really nice guy/good guy, but I don't see this long term/not really anything romantic/too busy etc".
I was failing to put my interactions into a playful and sexualised frame leading to a lack of attraction before/during the dates. I found Alex's videos I got instant results. Much more engaging messages, investment and flirty and even some quite racy texts!
The first date I went on was great. I set it up perfectly. Flirty texts in the build-up to establish the frame. Confirmed on the day using a Ryan Gosling meme... the works. Met her at a romantic wine bar near mine (I don't have a balcony) and after sharing a bottle of wine, we went onto a cocktail bar and then she came back to mine. And we had great sex... 5 times. In the morning I made her breakfast and really got to like her a lot.
I then sent the follow-up text of "Hey, last night was fire emoji" and we set up date two for midway through the next week. This time near her. And we had another good evening together, got to know each other even better and I was liking how it was going - still with that flirty, sexualised frame. We then went back to hers and had another awesome night together. We went and got coffee in the morning and everything was going really well.
Next date on the weekend. Sunday. I'm really starting to like this girl and think that there could be something worth seriously pursuing. I suggested we meet up early afternoon grab a coffee walk around the park, go to a couple of pubs and in the evening link up with some mates. And so we did... in between the walk and meeting my mates we made our way back to mine and I stick on a film (Reservoir Dogs, a personal favourite). Halfway through we get hot and heavy and I end up taking her into the bedroom and although I can't get it up, I end up licking her out (something I do not often do unless I actually really like someone!). She enjoys it... doesn't bother returning the favour though... but whatever, no factor.
We then go out have a roast and do a pub quiz, joined by a couple of my mates (one of whom is having a hard time with his long term girlfriend) and then we get back home, finish the rest of the movie, have really good sex and then go to sleep.
I can notice her tossing and turning during the night and in the morning she gets an uber at like 6:20 am. She doesn't even let me make her coffee or anything. I said that she seemed a bit nervous and if everything was alright... she said she was ok, just had a big day at work.
I then text her later that day... after her abrupt departure just saying thanks for the weekend and that I appreciated her helping me cheer my mate up who was having women issues. No reply until about 8pm where she tells me:
"Had a good time with you, I do need to be honest though, I’ve given it some thought today and for me, I don’t see things going further. You’re a great guy I just don’t feel like we’re compatible in the long term. Always think it’s best to be honest about these things x"
Brutal. So... the question is: where did I go wrong on this one? In trying to be sincere and introduce her to some important aspects of my life did I lose the frame and instantly turn her off? In order to maintain attraction in a relation am I never allowed to get serious? Or did I just do it too early? If so what do I need to do before I can get to this stage.
I'm really annoyed and am actually starting to wonder if you can meet a serious woman on dating apps or if the odd hook up is all you're ever gunna get...
I'd really appreciate the community's thoughts on this one.
Cheers
