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So I start a conversation with a hinge match and she asks me late on a Saturday night about meeting her and her friends for a drink at a cocktail bar. This cocktail bar is a long way away so I don't really push it on the night, but she looks hot af so I re-open her later and send her my number. That Saturday night she again taps me up asking to meet up with her and her friend. It just so happened I was out with a buddy of mine having a late-night meal after a long day playing sport together (cricket).
We exchange some photos (I joke around a little bit in response to her sending some fit pics) and in the end the meet up fizzles out. (see screenshots of all the texts below)
I'd love to hear some thoughts from the community on how this played out and what could be improved. I think that maybe we didn't identify and deal with shit tests very well and became needy rather than persistent. So would appreciate some advice on how to be persistent when you need to get the logistics under time pressure (it was late) without turning needy.
To put it simply, I think the main issue is that you’re not leading.
As the man, it’s your job to lead. But from what I see you’re leaving the ball in her court pretty much all the time. Also I don’t recommend double/group dates for the first time. I find those less than optimal in terms of sealing the deal and getting the lay.
She seems really interested man. Let it sit for a few days before you reengage her, but this time you have to lead. Vibe for a bit but get straight to the point and close her for a romantic wine date at your place.
Bottom line, be the man and make shit happen.
Solid call mate. I like the plan moving forward.
I find it difficult in a situation where she's gaming you (combined with the odd shit test) to have the right balance between being indifferent to let her continue to game you and build the frame that you're the prize vs taking control without coming across as needy. I think that's what I descended to in those last few texts. So do you have any advice on how I could have taken more control at which point in the above chain?
It’s a fine balance but eventually you get it over time. Your main priority should always be to move things forward. A few things I would have done differently:
First screenshot when she suggests the double date I would have said “I have a better idea”. That baits her, and you set yourself into moving towards the date.
“Patiently waiting for another invite to go for cocktails” is pretty low value imo. It implies that she’s the prize and you’re waiting around for her. Also it communicates to her that you won’t lead the way.
Like I said man, the main thing is just constant back and forth texting without you moving things forward. That’s really a killer for attraction bro, but I reckon this one can be salvaged. She seems pretty invested. Just take charge going forward.
How would you respond to this?👇🏾
