I'm in a one sided open relationship and my girl's having a hard time with it. She only reluctantly agreed because she wants to be with me, but she knew she's the jealous type. Lately I've been seeing other girls more and she's really having a hard time. I'd like her to see that none of these girls mean anything to me besides notches, but she has a hard time seeing it that way. She fears losing me to someone else. She's the most beautiful girl in the room almost anywhere we go, and a magnetic personality as well. Guys hit on her whenever I'm not with her. She makes a point to tell me that she has no interest in anyone else and loves me. Meanwhile she has mood swings and is unhappy.
So I wonder if you have any tips on how to conduct myself better for her. I did read that section in the product and I know it says partner selection is critical, so maybe she's just not a fit for this type of relationship. But I'd like to make it work. @avilench . I know you're in this type of relationship now, so wondering if you have any additional advice.
Strange thing I've noticed: a significant number of girls I meet in Colombia ask if I have a gf. This was never the case in other countries - girls assume that if I had a gf I wouldn't be talking with them in the first place. Interestingly, at this time I actually am in an open relationship. I haven't had a chance to ask one of these girls where they're coming from with this question - curious if folks know why Colombian girls keep asking and how they view a yes vs no answer.
I'm in a one sided open relationship. Only condition is my gf wants me to keep it on the DL so she can feel like she's the only one. My biggest worry is using my phone near her. While she'd never go prying in there, if she just happens to glance over my shoulder when I'm using WhatsApp/texts, she'd see texts from other girls. I also worry about handing her my phone to show her something because I might get an incoming text from some girl. While I'm technically allowed, it'd make her feel bad and would bring a ton of unnecessary drama.
I want to be able to use my phone freely when I'm with her. I don't like having something to hide. I've already disabled notifications to some extent, but wondering if there's a more robust solution. I'm sure I'm not the first in this situation, so I wonder if anyone has any tips?
2nd date with this girl.
I met her a week ago at a cafe where we were both working and we hit it off. I invited her home and she said no, so we grabbed dinner at a nearby restaurant. Afterwards I invited her home again and she said it's too fast for her, so I walked her home instead. She gave me a bit of shit about wanting so much to take her home so maybe I could've raised it less explicitly, but overall all went well. On the way to her place I created some moments of tension to gauge her willingness to kiss. I didn't think she was there, so didn't go for it. However, when we reached her place I leaned in to have her put my scarf on my neck because I had lent it to her, and she leaned back to kiss me haha. So just the 1 kiss.
2nd date was 2 days later on Tuesday. We met at another cafe. Hung out for an hour till they closed, then got food. At that point things were warm enough where I would've invited her home, but she had to wake up early next day and it was getting late enough where I didn't think it was high probability. Since we hadn't been physical at all yet that day, I opted instead to take her for a walk to a nearby park, get just a bit physical to end things on a high note, and send her home.
It worked well. We got to the park and she was ready to kiss. I kept it super light to avoid triggering any sort of point-of-no-return stuff or defensiveness when I invite her home for the next date. Sitting on a bench, she then came in hard and initiated making out with me. Again I kept it light, but told her I like this passionate side of hers. We sat on the bench for maybe 15 mins talking and lightly touching. The tension was definitely very strong, but we didn't do much physically. She told me, "I really like your personality." Then I walked her home again, thinking this is in the bag for next time.
About 1-2 hours later she sends me a long text message how she hopes I got home safe, that she wanted to say how much she likes me and my energy, but that truth is she doesn't want to date anyone. Earlier that night she had told me that she hasn't been dating recently - it was a few days ago now so I don't remember the details of her dating life.
What do you guys think happened here, and how could I have run things better?
Last time I posted a situation very similar to this, Alex's verdict was point of no return. Is that what happened here as well? I was conscious and careful and made out with her for only maybe 10 seconds.
If his claims are real then I'd probably reach out to work with him. However, based on the way he talks I assumed he's a scammer until I saw him on your podcast. I trust you and it seemed you know him well, so that makes me think maybe he's legit. Do you know him well enough to recommend?
Cheers!
Some girls give me eye contact and body language where I know I can escalate. Others don't. I've found that if I try to force getting physical with the latter they usually reject it, so I try to wait for the signals that they're ready.
However, I don't know how to get them ready.
I sexualize verbally, and the girls either giggle or don't react.
I touch where appropriate, which means much less on the non-responsive girls.
Eye contact as well, but the non-responsive girls don't really reciprocate.
None of those are consistently effective, even after she's come back to my place, even after multiple dates, and even when she clearly likes me.
Happened twice in the last 2 days with girls I met during the day and brought back home.
Any advice on how to get more girls more in the mood?
Posted this on the main forum before upgrading to mastermind.
Alex, you said it was ASD due to coming too close to sex, which makes total sense. My question is, have you ever come back from this, or is it futile to try?
If it makes a difference, I wasn't pushy at all about sex. She rarely had to tell me to slow down or stop - I'd read her body language and do it myself. Even invited her to spend the night. I'm dating, sleeping, and getting rejected by other girls. Don't care much about any of them except her. So whatever she feels is just in her head.
Met this girl last Saturday at the mall. We ended up spending 7 hours together, going back to my place, and fooling around a lot. She wasn't ready to go all the way so fast, but she kept saying how much she likes it/me, how excited she is, and how crazy this is. On leaving my place she was very excited and looking forward to seeing me again.
One thing that will be important later: even though she looks younger than me (I'm 30), she told me she's older and didn't want to share her exact age. That's fine, I don't care her age.
Initially over text she was very invested, sending long messages and saying she'd let me know that week when she can meet. My thinking was she's hot now and can cool down, so I need to keep things warm and see her again asap. To that end, I'd text her once every day or 2 to check in. Just simple stuff like how her day's going and what I'm up to, and if she engages, try to smoothly move things forward.
Thing is, near the end of the week her investment started to decrease. Over the weekend she told me she was relaxing in some nearby town so I know she would've had time to see me if she wanted. And then a few texts in a row from her were just emojis and hahahas. So I called her out: "Ha, love the effort of your messages." And that's when it came out.
"I'm a great person, but we're in different places in our lives and she doesn't want to hurt me. She wishes me all the best." Digging more, turns out she's 40, and "we're looking for different things." She didn't want to specify what those different things are. I tried to call, but she didn't pick up because she "doesn't see a point to this conversation" and "isn't obligated to explain how she feels."
I told her I don't care about her age. That I've always gotten along better with older people (which is true) and that most of my exes have been older than me. She replied simply with "understood."
So... I think this is dumb. I actually like this girl more than anyone I've met in a long time. She's just making assumptions. But idk how to fix it if I can't even get her to talk about it. How would you guys proceed? Happy to share the exact text messages.
Also would greatly appreciate any opinions on what I could've done differently earlier.
