How much comfort needed in the initial text for cold numbers?

4 posts (+2) · 7 comments (+1)

Something I always hesitate, especially when I send the initial text, is using a too soft language, which makes me think it might turn her off. On the other hand, probably there should be some comfort in the message, so she should feel there is genuine interest. How to balance these? (Quite an abstract question, this is the best way I could have asked)

One example: I approached this girl Sat late afternoon on the street, very cute, totally my type. I opened direct, she is being adorable, it is being unusual and I am being expressive. She reacted well with good eye contact. I tried to go for an insta-date. She didn't want to, saying something like coming from work, too many interactions all day etc. Then I said we should do an other time and paused. She was still hesitant. I changed the subject, then we start talking about improv (I am taking classes). Se has been doing as well. Then she came up with the idea that we should take a class together. I took her number, she asked me to send her the class' link, I gave her a hug and left. Half hour later, I sent her the link and at the end 'Name ;)' (I wasn't ghosted this time, thanks Alex :). She texted me a quite warm text around 8pm. I responded in the morning. (I am attaching the texts). I didn't want the text to be too soft, long and cliché like 'It was nice meeting you, too'. I didn't want to use smiley faces. I thought about adding a smiley at the end 'I just expressed what I saw :)' Looking back maybe I should have. (Probably, all this thought process is over analyzing.) I appreciate any comments, thanks

avilench .

Few thoughts:

I firmly believe that insta-dates are over rated. In my opinion, the only time you should go for insta-date as if chic seems super DTF and the logistics are good. Before going to insta-date always try to figure out her current situation. Is she rushing home from work? Or, is she aimlessly wondering around and bored ? In your situation, it seems like the former is the case.
it seems like she is dictating the frame. And it seems to be going in a friend-to-friend direction. That is the biggest issue. Finding the commonality (improv) was good . However, after she said you guys should do an improv together I would have jokingly reestablish my frame "I am too shy for that, maybe on the second date " or " Idk, I wouldn't want to embarrass you with my legendary improv skills, maybe on the third date once you are already in love with me to care " . Either on of these would work if said confidently with the smirk on our face and good eye contact.
First text is further buying into her frame . Just because she asked you to do something , doesn't mean you have to . that is the friendszone behavior. Instead, make her earn it.I hwould have just texted her my name with "winky face"

Has she replied to your last message yet?

Mike Bravo

It didn't even occur to me that she is dictating the frame, before you mentioned. Very good point. I should have just ignored the improv and sent her 'Name ;)' then probably next step would have been to invite her home?

You mean, if "... she aimlessly wondering around and bored", pulling direct to home is the better option? I was thinking insta-date is a good smaller, safer step, right before pulling?

My logistics is pretty bad, I live 1 hour away from the city. My plan is to do airbnb, when I come to a level that I am having sets that I have a chance to pull. That's why I was thinking that insta-dates are good way of developing skills, no?

No, she dind't respond yet.

avilench .

Yes, I meant that you should only insta-dates when the chick "aimlessly wondering around" or just in general in a " pullable situation" . Check this LR for an example.
https://www.playingfire.com/hot-finnish-milf-day-game-lay-report/.
To be honest, I also think that you should prioritize getting your logistics on point. That should be priority #1. If you live in a small town currently just focus on Tinder and occasionally hitting the local bar.