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Not really sure what her goal was. I'm thinking she had no intentions of hooking up and was just looking for a dude to buy her drinks all night
If you're not sure what her goal is, ask... you're allowed to ask "what are you looking for here" too, it's not just for girls sniffing out fuckboys
What else went wrong:
you jammed the "big workout hot date" line onto the end of an unrelated question, allowing her to ignore it. This is ineffective. If nothing else, the fact that you mentioned a date and she didn't bite on it should have been a warning signal for you. Behold what happens when you try to close before sparking interest.
if you didn't want to have drinks with her friend, you shouldn't have asked when she was free to do that, it locks it in
if she rejects your meetup idea find out what she'd rather do or propose something else, don't be waiting for her to change her mind about it, that won't happen
Hindsight is 20/20, and I appreciate the criticism as I'm trying to get better, but some of your answers don't make sense
Dude I think the advice you got above was pretty spot on. I reckon closing in steps would have helped here. It could have turned out she was objecting to the balcony and not the date
Edit: CJ you'll be shocked to learn that usernames are visible on upvotes/downvotes. If you're going to upvote your own comments and downvote good advice that took a lot of time to provide, I'm going to take that as a sign that you know everything and need no further help. I'll leave this here though so that others can learn from your mistakes.
I'm happy to break it down some more. Nothing here is criticism, it's explanations and feedback. I accept that it made zero sense to you and gently suggest that's because there's some things you don't understand yet, rather than Mad Max Fox, well-known lunatic, is off his rocker again
1: "cool how long are you here for" and "big workout hot date" are two different thoughts. They both fit the conversation and they're both useful things to say but you can't do two things at once. If you lay them out together, she'll choose which one to respond to and ignore the other. Seeding the date doesn't work just by you saying it, she has to reply to it. So, it's an ineffective use of an otherwise reasonable line. You have to lay it out there by itself, so it's clear that the conversation only moves forward by her accepting the idea of a date
2: "Ya maybe you can drink with us" "When did you have in mind". I know you don't think you agreed to drinks, but you did. This is important to grasp, because it's how the soft close works. Except, it's you being soft closed by her for drinks with her friend. If you said "let's get drinks" and she said "what time did you have in mind", she's saying yes to the drinks and negotiating the time. If she says "you can drink with us" and you start negotiating the time, you're saying yes to the friend drinks! That's why it goes all wrong when you try to renegotiate that part of the plan.
consider:
"Ya maybe you can drink with us"
I figure if you're here on tinder you don't plan to spend the whole weekend with your friend
I don't do group dates, do you like wine though
Notwithstanding anything I said about her "soft closing" you, she's still not that interested. How I know this: (1) the brief conversation about nothing (2) when you suggest getting together she saw you as the third wheel on a night out with her man friend (2a) that "maybe" is a smoking gun of not-that-into-you (3) she didn't agree to meet up! Certainly #3 relies on hindsight but if she was interested you'd have slept with her. So if she seemed "clearly interested" to you, based on the facts you gotta consider that your calibration is off
If I'm hearing you, you're saying that she opened you with "Hiii" and that makes her interested. Well, it does, but it means your profile is good and did some of the lifting for you, so you're starting at 20% of the way towards a hard close rather than 0%. You still need to cover the other 80% with building attraction and comfort in the normal way. That "maybe" was a final warning that you misoverestimated how attracted she was and needed to hop out of the close. That's why we do a soft close, it means you can circle around and go again later, instead of crashing and burning
CJ, if you actually want help you need to listen. Why post something just to argue with solid advice.
You clearly haven't watched enough of alex's content and Max has.
The second thing is it's super odd that a girl was staying with a guy friend for the weekend and asking you to meet them out. Like what is the status of that relationship? A fuckbuddy shes not super into, a gay best friend, a friendzone, a relative etc. I probably would have asked about that and made an assumption like oh, visiting family? That's dope. That way she could correct you with the situation which would have told you a lot more about the situation and if it was worth your time to pursue.
The next thing you missed, was when she said "ya maybe you can get a drink with us." I would have responded with "I don't do group dates. Are you with him all weekend or will be free to meet me out for a drink." instead of your "when did you have in mind." the order made it sound like you were open to it and then pivoted on her.
Or could you have said "maybe?" was this from the opener or was there previous context.
However the reality is this had a low opportunity of success unless the guy she was staying with is not into women or is related to her.
