27 years old, virgin. How to deal with this

Hey,

I have had a pretty fucked up life. Was abused throughout childhood and basically have tried to withdraw from society as much as possible until recently, attempting to avoid people because I have always seen people as a threat. It was a blessing in disguise in my eyes because I spent the whole time practicing guitar and vocals and writing a shit ton of music and now am starting to get a bit of recognition for it. So I am actually thankful for all of this.

But, I would like to try to hook up with some girls now. Here's the thing that has stopped me in the past even when I have a chance. I have ZERO experience. Never even KISSED a girl.

I do not want to disclose this to anyone and I don't want to be "found out." Is there a way I can make it seem like I have somewhat of a clue I know what I am doing when I start to hook up? Like is there something I can read that will teach me how to make out with a girl, have sex etc. Lmao

Any responses are much appreciated