Yea bro, this just comes off way too try hard and unwarranted for my taste. You should’ve just let the first opener there to marinate for a bit until she responds and then start the conversation from there. Your first opener isn’t necessary bad nor good imo. I get that you’re trying to do a call back to her bio which is fine it’s just what you said after that kinda ruined the vibe a bit, in which you were trying to set. Just remember to let these things unfold as it progresses, don’t come off way too strong in the beginning especially that second line. All i gotta say is just be genuine in your approach and your intentions. Play it smooth like a game of chess, brotha. You’ll be fine