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She told me a few weeks ago she was starting to catch feelings. And today she sent me this after coming back from my 2week trip.
CONTEXT: Ive been seeing her since January. Amazing sex and we bonded strongly emotionally too. We also had a talk earlier in our relationship that were both totally cool with each other dating other people.
Several weeks ago she told me shes starting to catch feelings. She also asked questions like, "how do you feel towards me?" "Do I have any chances with you to become monogamous in the future? I want to know so I dont get hurt" "can you go to this wedding with me?" Etc.
I told her I really enjoy spending time with her but also let her know that I like to take things slow when it comes to deciding whether i want to be monogamous with someone. She also knows theres other women in my life. She was cool at first but obvs towards later in the relationship I dont think she liked it.
Anyhow, today I got this txt msg when she didnt pick up the phone when I called her after coming back from my 2 week trip. Even during the trip until last week she was telling me how much she is looking forward to seeing me and stuff.
The reason I am explaining this context is that I am pretty sure she still has feelings for me but is withdrawing herself cuz she doesnt feel the reciprocation and "doesnt wanna get hurt".
She also could be sending this text to manipulate me into being monogamous with her.
The last reason being that she legit met someone else.
How can I respond to this? Because I legit do like her and want to keep seeing her, although monogamy is still a deal breaker for me.
What I am wondering is whether she withdrew herself because I really didn't open up about my feelings towards her.
And I'm curious if it's worth it at this point to try to convey that to her so that she can feel reciprocated.
I thought of either:
A few things that I am thinking about is how she wrote this. This is when you put a puppy down. I haven't received one of these in years. And I make sure that I am not treated like this. I can see her patting you on the head and calling you a good boy.
Don't reply for now. You need to reflect how you got here. Why is she sending you this? Why is she talking to you like a harmless child. Like her little puppy. At what point did she stop respecting you? Were you needy? (I know you. I know you usually can't wait to send shit to girls. You can be desperate and needy. And from this text I feel like you might've been). So first thing you want to do is step away from the phone and really go through the entire relationship. Identify where you went wrong and what you could do differently next time. You do your own reflecting. Do not feel the need to message her. You don't owe her that.
After you've calmed yourself and done your own reflecting. You've pin pointed particular situations where you went wrong. And why you are being treated like this.
You can send her a message. I'd honestly wait a week. This isn't exactly a saveable text.
I'd want to know exactly where you went wrong. What she is feeling and thinking. And not this woman talk that she just gave you. Not this "it's not you, it's me" nonsense.
Find a way to open her up. Accept her decision (she isn't expecting this btw).
"Haha no worries! You too!" -- send that. Nothing more.
With a bit of time, a couple weeks (there's a good chance it annoys the fuck out of her that you took it so well. I bet she becomes suspicious that you had another woman) and ask her honestly, tell her it's for honest feedback - it won't hurt you, where exactly you went wrong. You've done your reflecting so you have some ideas what happened. You can straight up ask her. Ask her for honest feedback. Tell her you want to improve with women and relationships for the future. Don't hold back. You can even threw her some easy ones. Tell her you know that he was too sweet or nice. Too needy. She'll probably, even lightly, agree with this. This will open her up a bit.
Getting this feedback and simply moving on will help you particularly.
Now what this could do is that she sees that you are not actually needy. You can walk away. You may even have another woman already. Women HATE when men are indifferent to them leaving. It bothers them. They need you hurt. Angry. Emotional.
When women threaten to leave or get another man, I don't play along. I don't engage. I don't get emotional. If anything I'll encourage it.
"well that's unfortunate! But you have to do what you need!" and move on. They NEVER EVER move on.
Thanks for the honest feedback as usual buddy.
