Hey Alex, you mentioned in your video “how self improvement can ruin your life (5 traps to avoid)” that the deep inner work is important so that your house of cards is built on a stable foundation. You mentioned self esteem, getting over past traumas, etc. What are some practical practices and exercises I can start doing right now to implement these things in order to make sure I build my self-esteem, get over past traumas and built my foundation on a stable level?
So how do I create that perfect balance between self-improvement habits and having everything you’re saying?
First of all, I’m already in fantastic shape, I hit the gym 5 days a week with my brother. I just need to eat more to focus on putting on more mass. I began my cold approach journey as I’m becoming serious about that. And I also meditate daily.
I’m the type of person where if I do something I go all in. If I do self-improvement habits I go all out. If I watch tv or play video games I do it for hours and that fucks up my sleep or wastes too much time.
The key is balance. And my question to you is how do I find that balance? How do I make sure I’m doing all the self-improvement habits consistently as well as putting enough time into my hobbies, watching tv/movies like you said, hanging out with friends (QUALITY friends not just any friends. Because lately I’ve been having shitty friends who kept holding me back: all they did was smoke weed, watch tv, eat shit food from outside and just stay in doors... no girls, no success, bunch of broke losers). So quality friends who will push me to do the right things.
Basically my question is: how do I create a schedule where I’m doing all the self-improvement habits consistently while also doing my hobbies, watching tv/movies, hanging with quality friends, etc all consistently?
Also dude, the thing is when it comes to hobbies, you have to be good at them. You can’t just expect to pick a hobbie and just “go with it” just to talk to girls. For instance; one of my hobbies is playing the piano, but girls will only appreciate that if I am GOOD at playing the piano. And recently I haven’t been playing the piano because I just have so much fucking going on in my life and I keep overthinking!
Another thing: I put my phone on grayscale I actually got this from Jack Denmo another YouTuber. He put me on since it helped me to drastically reduce my screen time on my phone... just something I’m mentioning.
I overthink a lot, so yeah I need help in this area bruv.
What are "all these self improvement" habits. You don't need to spend hours every day meditating, writing gratitude lists every morning, taking cold showers, reading self-help books, download these weird apps or whatever the the hell these new-age hippie blogs have been suggesting you do.
You're overcomplicating "self improvement" with all these extraneous steps. You really don't need to do that much. You already exercise and eat well. Now you just need to find a healthy social life, and you're all set.
You don't need to learn anything. You need to UNLEARN things.
You need to UNLEARN whatever beliefs your trauma or bad past experiences have created.
You need to UNLEARN whatever arbitrary nonsense these self-help bloggers have been saying you need to do to feel whole.
You need to UNLEARN this belief that you need to do all this extra shit to be loved and have value.
I agree with finding quality friends over quantity.
You mentioned trauma. Do you have a therapist, or are you able to find one?
On the hobbies and interests: Are you doing them because you really enjoy them? Or just as a way to impress women (I think that's a really weak mindset imo)?
Do you have social events nearby? Meetup, Eventbrite, Fetflife munches, etc. Go to a few every week.
I’ve been to two therapists in the past already and they helped me out. I’m done with therapy so tell me other ways in order to heal myself or whatever you want to call it.
The hobbies are for myself, not to impress women, don’t worry I’m not stupid like most people.
I was part of a fraternity, had the time of my life but resigned like 7 months ago due to school work being too much of a load. During these 7 months after I resigned, I was in that shitty friend circle recently which I just got out of because those guys are unmotivated and trash. Now I have to go out and create a new dope social circle.
I live in Brampton, Toronto, Canada. Meetup is pretty garbage in my area. Eventbrite might work I guess, I have all these apps. Idk what fetlife munches is...
Also let me give you some context of what type of guy I am: I love partying. By partying I specifically really enjoy house parties but don’t have that access anymore because I resigned from the frat. So how do I meet people and get invited to house parties every week? Also if these apps you’re mentioning don’t work in my area, how do I find out about events and meet people? And again, I’m going to specifically ask: how do I get a lot of people to invite me to house parties? I don’t have my own place yet because I’m still in school and I’m finishing that up right now.
Also, another thing dude you’re not specific. You say stuff like unlearn this and unlearn that but you’re not being practical... why don’t you tell me what a daily routine of self-improvement looks like for you? And that includes all the things like hobbies, social life, all the things you mentioned. I don’t want to live a “normal life” like people call it. I want an extraordinary life; crazy parties, crazy social circles, crazy lifestyle and I’m willing to work for it. So if you have knowledge on this, I’m hoping you’d be more than glad to share it.